I have been here, in this mood, a lot of times before but not recently. I have found out that it is one of the best mood to write. It is best moment to feel. I think I can see the world clearly in these moments of sadness.
I often try to distract myself from it. Like by switching on a cricket match or something random nonsense. It is so strong that I feel that I miss someone. And I have to contain it. It is when I read I feel the length and breadth of the moment of sadness. The writing, watching cricket match and watching advertisements becomes a way of distracting away. Why? in this moment, it feels like staying within and taking all of that is outside into the breadth. It is moment when I am closer to myself.
As if I remember that I had lost this feeling of melancholy and was never alone. I have always been occupied with something or other and when alone I did not face it. It is end of the week and it might be right time to feel it. People might use the weekend for party and get away with it but I wish to nurture it because I am sure there might be a humour in it of different taste. It is that I was looking for this mood to bring me back to writing. I think I like my writing when I am under such clouds. I also feel like writing. It does not matter if other judge it as poor but best thing is to enjoy.
“What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?”
― Søren Kierkegaard
I have been becoming used to living more in social spaces than in the inner world. Though inner vice is always a companion and guide but sometimes I really have to be out. In these social times I have begin to value the inner voice that exists during social spaces. It is very satisfying to hear it during a conversation with someone. I feel good.
It is similar feeling when for the first time I begin feeling my voice. It felt like I am closer to people. It is similar feeling when I hear myself during the conversation. It comes to me, like it came before to me. And I valued those moments.
Melancholics are arguably the most talented of all the personalities. They often have a natural bent toward artistic expression, including writing. They’re detail-oriented, patient, and idealistic. But in spite of all their talent, they’re often prone to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Their perfectionism and mood swings can cause them to feel they never measure up, which can, in turn, keep them from completing projects. - London
“Melancholy is the pleasure of being sad.”
― Victor Hugo