Friday, 18 April 2014

Three Insights- Facing fear, Capacities in other & birth of feeling and Thanks

Face your Fears
We do not know what can happen and simple things can be so difficult sometimes. Like getting out of house. Getting out to metro. Travelling in metro. Moving out of a room. Meeting many people in crowd. This all can be scary. It is fear. This is fear. The act of writing is also not easy. But this is not fear. Some tasks are easy and some are difficult. What is fear? Fear is a feeling that is needed to be faced everyday to reach a higher potential and where person feels that they have reached a level.
This could be everyday living and work. Can there be a break? Of course a person does not have to face their fears all the time. It has to be done in capacities where fear does not overwhelm too much and make life harder and harder. If a person knows that he is feeling fear and he knows that he can stand up in the situation and there is possibility that it can overcome them, then sometimes it is possible one may not challenge the fear. It is ok to bypass and invest energy somewhere else. It is like out of 5 times if 3 times fear has been faced and lived, then it would be fine. One can relax.   
Seeing other person's small capacities in action
Once reached a point when one can face the other person. Then he can notice small capacities in other person. like she is standing up. like she is moving here and there. Like she is talking. Then there is also multi tasking. This all capacities can be observed but without any distortions or movement with the one. If one is sitting and would see other person moving around in library then one may feel awe or intimated. "She can move, why can't I move." There is jealousy. Yes there are feelings. And this is where feelings are born. There is doubt in one's capacity whether one can do it. One has done it before, and so there is extreme possibility that he can do again. Instead of challenging this doubt, one can look at the feelings and also could appreciate that other person has such capacities.  
Simply saying 'Thanks' in the evening. The gratitude. For reflecting that it was difficult and we lived along and fought them. The fears and reached somewhere. We know it was hard for you. And it is still for you, You still have been trying hard. We want to say "Thank you" to you. Besides many difficulties you have kept on going. We thank you.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Search of Twin

How do we know somebody is our twin? Twin is someone who echoes and praises. We know that other is twin when through the other we reach ourselves.

One day I was sad and was sitting on the stairs outside classes. Then one of my friend came and said let's go somewhere in personal and lets talk. She said we both are at same level. I was sitting outside without any expectation from anybody. I wanted to be alone in presence of classmates but when she appeared I felt as if I was waiting for some one to echo my experience. She was my twin, i guess.

"Twin is same but different. It is same because there is unconscious closeness to it and different because twin can think and articulate about it."

A therapist is a twin who is able to think about patient's issue of switching off at emotions. A patients feel it but it is twin who comes about and tells verbalize it for patient.

Twin is somebody with whom we are born. For example my brother and sister in law had twins. Also in God of Small Things, Estha and Rahel are also twins. Those who are born together. Now this is biological birth together. But psychologically twin is somebody who is also born with you. In Laing terms, we can say twins feel ontological secure with each other. They feel real, alive and autonomous. This capacity could be psychic work. Also Estha and Rahel returned each other and found existence with each other, psychologically.

I walk on road and met somebody familiar and we gestured "hello" to each other while passing each other in opposite direction. This could be a twin meeting, I guess. because we begin to exist in presence of each other. We could move to more complex and intensified example.

The kind of relationship I share with cousin. we both are younger child and have single parent. we met when we both were going through late teen growing up issues. We could not articulate for each other but we sensed that we felt something when we were together. I existed through her. I become more active and pursued my interests when I was closer to her. She began taking tuition after college classes. She felt much more independent. So did I. Are we twins? Definitely we were born together. We told each other that we are fine and we are doing good. I think that could be an example of twin,

Or there is a friend with whom I could go with to a restaurant and eat. With whom I feel at ease in social spaces.

A song from a movie Highway that echoes in me referring to the idea of twin
main kahun aur tu aa jaye , behlaye
har doori sharmayin
tu saath hai, oh din raat hai
parchaiyaan batlaye...
saaya saaya Mahi ve Mahi ve
meri har baat mein saath tu hai
Mahi ve Mahi ve
mere saare halat tu
Mahi ve...


Can twins change? Or do they stay always within us? Rani in the movie Queen was able to move from with Vijay to VijayLaxmi to a group of friends. As if the movement was from 'rejection' to 'birth of independent individual' to 'expression in group'. And then she returns to 'home'. There does seem to be a story with each twin she grows closer to universe. Why does Rani leaves Vijay in the end? Was it a revenge? I think Rani thought that she was not ready for marriage, that's all. But she could not articulate this to Vijay. She said it by returning the ring. She hugged him knowing what he feels. That was also a twin moment.

In the movie, after the marriage was called off, there was a cut off from Vijay and his family, This could be moment of stuck or block for rani. Since there was no movement with Vijay, Rani moved beyond the stuckness through internal movement as memories played again in her. I think this is interesting.

I think twin can be everyone. When some one is not a twin?

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Choosing Self-Publisher

After a long impatient wait and no response from any traditional publisher, one may finally make up his mind to choose self-publishing for their book.
One must have a passion to see their writing in a shape and form of book before taking a step to go ahead with publication. My passion is to see my writing in a book form and through this form I want to entice others to read it and I want to tell my story. So I am taking a step ahead to tell my story to the people. Before this goal, there is a goal to see the writing in book form.
One needs to prioritize their goals. For example: My goal list
1) To participate and learn in the process of editing, cover design, etc.
2) To see the writing in book form with ISBN and all.
3) Make sure the book is available on popular listing website.
4) Make a page for the book and author on this website.
5) Distribute book in my community to those who might be interested in reading.
6) Market it as much as possible
7) Add value in reader's life through the story and make the book best seller and receive income from it.
So, I, here, presented my seven step goals in the process. Right now my book is in editing phase and I am hoping to learn as much as possible with the feedback from editors. (Check the post on first person narrative and third person narrative) This is the joy in self-publication. This post is about how I went ahead in choosing a Self-publisher. I will be reflecting on my journey.
For my first book, Gulabi, I have chosen Cinnamon Teal publishers.
There are plenty of self publishers available in Indian market. Though when I started I was only introduced to Partridge publisher, Notion press and I liked for providing a single copies of the copy without going through any process of editing, etc. So I was able to see my writing in the book form for the very first time through But book does not had any ISBN or any details about the book or author. This was testing phase. I ordered few copies of my book and distributed to my friends. They liked it in the book form and had enough motivation to read the book.
I like Partridge publishers because they have come out of the womb of  Penguin publishers. Choosing them would have created chances of my book to be seen by traditional publisher and hence a short cut to success. But I found their packages are little expensive for me. So I have kept them an option for my second book when I am able to save more.
I read lot of blogs in the Cinnamon Teal website and I felt they are the most genuine people out there. I felt that they are not trying to imitate like traditional publishers or following their model but giving value to self-publisher. With them I feel self-publishing is not a compromise but a choice. They do not provide any packages. Each book has different needs and they are attending separately. While surfing through their website, I felt a sense of start up that I can relate to. The people who are entrepreneurs and are always improving and have no bias toward anyone.
Since now, we have signed the agreement and the book is being edited currently. The communication has been through e-mails and it has been very genuine and with respect. I feel that my writing deserve such treatment. I never want my work to be compromised when meeting the business ends. SO the feeling of rejection, being ignored are commonplace with many publishers in India and all over the world.
Traditional publisher always say that we receive many manuscripts and it may be possible that they may not reply to you and so please consider it rejected. One might feel that their writing is not worth it or there is something wrong with the world and the way it does business.
Truly there is competition and in business world everyone is there to make profit and reach success. It is done through selling values.
So I ask myself what value am I providing through Gulabi? I want to share the story. One of my friend recently said that he likes the way I have presented multiple narratives and each character has personal struggle. Another friend was able to connect with one of the character and note the feminine side of the character. Other said that she found it very interesting. Other said that she really liked it and it was little chaotic. These are the values that I like to bring to my readers through my story. These feedbacks from my friends and readers are very significant to me.
I hope those who are reading it must be as excited about Gulabi as I am.

Friday, 4 April 2014

First person or Third person Narrative

First person narrative
When narrator is part of the story. We read the story and see the story from this person's view point. In many works, the story is told when a person retells a story to others. This retelling is first person narrative. The reader are able to bring themselves into the mind of character and feel as if experiencing the events themselves.

Third person narrative
1) Setting up the scene
2) Bringing the character inside the scene
3) Getting in the character's skin

In third person narrative. there can be many viewpoints. Each character will have a point of view. On a whole the narrator might have a view point and then reader will bring their own viewpoints to the story.

Third person narrative allows each character to develop and see the internal lives of them. While first person narrative will only focus on the internal struggle or monologue of one character and other character as seen by one character.

Where I belong?
Largely I have written in third person and it is more confusing to read them. But I have always written in first person where we see the world from one' person's point of view. Of course these cannot be completely separated as story is made up of both of them in parts. One may see narrator as someone knowing it all and telling the story of many characters and also could end up being one of the character in the story. 

Tuesday, 18 March 2014


"What can be said at all can be said clearly; and whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent."
                        -   Wittgenstein (Ogden Translation)

Book:  Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

The fact that I am mentioning the name of author and book speaks or refer the thought to somebody. One can own the thought. So I can create my own thought. But Wittgenstein would say this is false statement because there is nothing that has not been said before.